he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
