I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
