Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
