Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
