I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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