just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
