ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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