Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
