Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
