Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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