Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
