my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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