dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
