It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
