im six kinds of drunk right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
