dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
