doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
