Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
