Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
