After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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