my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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