you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
