I cockslap morals
Its about making memories worth repressing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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