and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
