I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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