I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
