You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
