remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
