the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize