do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
