So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
