At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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