I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
