I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
