You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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