my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His hands were made for my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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