When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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