I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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