That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize