I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I love you.
Bad choice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
