stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
