weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
