I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize