youre lurking in front of me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
