I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
