we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize