I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
