STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
