I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize