I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
