OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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