i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
