Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize