Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
