If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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