I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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