I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
