Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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