8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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