how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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