I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
