well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
