there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize