She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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