Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
