What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
