So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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