apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
