break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
